GODLY ATTITUDE TOWARDS CONFLICT

No man is an island - All of us interact with people around us regularly and conflicts or contentions may happen. For some, it may be more frequent than others due to their personalities and personal triggers. Many will feel anxious in dealing with conflict because of the negative feelings involved such as anger, shock, disappointment, ill-treatment, and disrespect, therefore leaving things unresolved.

Surely, we have seen the consequences of unresolved conflicts spiral into a large, complex, and unsolvable problem down the road (usually years later). Families will no longer be on speaking terms, marriages may break down, etc. I believe that no one will like to suffer from any of these problems.

God, in His eternal wisdom and understanding, knows the dire consequences of having unresolved conflicts, and He has provided us with the solution through the Bible. He commands us to make peace with all mankind in our life. “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men” (Romans 12:18). The phrase “as much as lieth in you” alludes to our responsibility of playing an active role in the peace-seeking process by initiating it. God sending His Son is the perfect example where God played the active role to initiate the peace-seeking process with men. The Bible tells us that all have sinned, where sin is the breaking of God’s law. When we act against God’s law, we enter a state of conflict with God. We may not be aware of it, but God is. We thank God that He does not leave the conflict unresolved - Rather, He sent His Son, Jesus, to make peace with men. Christians are commanded to follow His example and initiate the process of conflict resolution.

There is also an urgency to make peace or to resolve outstanding conflicts when we still have time to do so. Matthew 5:25 illustrates that there was an offender who was being brought to court by the offended party to be prosecuted. The Bible urges that the one in fault should make use of the remaining travelling time to make reconciliation and come to an agreement with his enemy, because it would have been too late when they entered the courtroom. When it comes to conflict resolution, many choose to delay or wait for a better time to do it, which is not what Matthew 5:25 tells us. We should not sit and wait, but instead create and ask for an opportunity for reconciliation.

It takes two hands to clap. The offended needs to confront the offending and the offending needs to respond when being confronted. The Bible in Matthew 18:15 prescribes that the offended party should always confront and tell the other party about their fault in private. It can be inferred that the offender should be the first and not the last to know about his or her fault. An additional party can be involved as a mediator, but it should only happen if the two parties cannot come to an agreement. Matthew 5:23-24 tells us that God wants the offending party to prioritise reconciliation over worshipping Him. This also shows that making amendments is as important as worshipping God.

Ask Yourself:

1. What do you feel when you recall an unresolved conflict in your life?

2. What can we do to create an opportunity for reconciliation?

3. Who can you go to if you need a mediator?

Suggested Answers:

1. Perhaps you felt (or are still feeling) heavy-hearted, sad, or even regretful. We do not have to carry this burden if we try to resolve it.

2. An example could be sending a text to look for a time to resolve the conflict face-to-face.

3. Someone who is neutral in position, God-fearing, experienced and skillful in mediation work - For example, Church elders or full-time ministers.