When someone comes to you with criticism but it’s something bad about someone else.
The values of the world have never matched those which God wants for us. What did God intend for us to be? There is a lot of misinformation and what the world sells us may not always benefit us. The truths must cut deep because the stakes are high. We cannot afford to believe the wrong thing. As Christians, this uncertainty in the world causes people to need us. We cannot dismiss our role as the light of the world, not only because it’s commanded, but also because it’s our responsibility as the only ones who actually know what to do with this life. Leaders are needed especially now, and people need someone to look to. Christians being leaders in the secular world is an amazing thing, and we’d all have dealt with some form of leadership before.
It is common for a leader to receive indirect criticism. How do we deal with this? When someone complains about someone else to you, it could feel like gossip. Maybe it’s like a sibling complaining to a parent about another sibling. Leaders need to learn to deal with that kind of indirect criticism, and we have to learn to do so in a Christian-like way. How do I accept that kind of information? Sometimes in life information isn’t good. I used to think that more information is always better, but this isn’t the case. Sometimes we are the problem. People aren’t just tools or chess pieces, and we can’t change others but we can change ourselves to change things. So what are we supposed to do when we receive feedback or criticism about other people? What do we do with this information? Should we just ignore it?
There are a few general principles. These aren’t exhaustive, but they are rooted in biblical principles and can serve as helpful guidelines.
1. When dealing with indirect criticism, leaders need to refuse to be a place just for people to vent. Sometimes leaders can become this cushion. However, when people are confused or frustrated, there are only 2 possible real outcomes, they will either seek closure or just let it be. When we let people complain repeatedly with no resolution in mind, they will grow bitter. When people complain and there is no action taken, what is gained? There is no progress. Something has to be done to resolve the issue. Prov 10:18-19, he who spreads slander is a fool. He who restrains his lips is wise. There are times we need to talk and there are times we need to know when it is more prudent to reserve our opinions or be silent. There are times to listen and not to listen as well. We need to cut slander and gossip off because it’s not useful, even when you’re a leader. “You’re the only one who listens”. That shouldn’t flatter us. Leaders are ultimately supposed to be peacemakers.
2. As leaders, we should not accept the conclusions of who we’re talking to too quickly. We need to listen without validation and bias. When someone talks about how bad something is, it may seem instinctive to agree and be critical as well but this isn’t right. We shouldn’t agree too quickly when we don’t know what’s going on. If I decide what my reaction to something is before it happens, I am not accomplishing anything. If you’re just going to agree anyway, the conversation becomes an illusion; the other party may not see that, but they’re not benefitting from the conversation at all. Sometimes we need to get people to understand the negativity of their own feelings and actions.
3. Avoid sources and opinions that are anonymous. People who are protected by anonymity feel entitled to make baseless accusations without consequence. Look at the beatitudes: God protects and rewards the quiet (Mat 5:1-5). And those that are protected by anonymity often speak the loudest.
4. Defend the criticised. There is a deflected answer. There is a point in the conversation where you should start defending the one that is being criticised if it becomes clear the criticism is unfair. This makes your stand clear. We need to accept what is useful and reject what isn’t. Pray to God for strength to make the right decisions, and thank Him for Jesus, the mediator that allows us to be blameless.